How dare they charge us for water! Think of the million things water, in its very minutest forms, provide us. Are they going to charge us for every little bit?

What about the extra drop in a paddling pool? The bit after a mop’s been wrung out? The bit that boils the top of an egg, the water to wash a dog, the water that flushes down the toilet, the absorbed water in a brillo pad, the water in a dishwasher, the water in the gutters, the mixture of fluoride and water that collates at the base of a sink after washing black teeth, the water for water balloons, the water to fill windscreen wipers, the water for that last bit of aftershave, the water that bleeds from faulty radiators, the water to water the plant(s), the water to wipe the back of the DVD, the last drop of water for a cuppa, the water for bubble bath(s), the water that satiates a violent hangover, the water that replenishes a dying bishop, the water, that, that, that……is ours.

Dear reader, I have enclosed a vivid diagram of the elusive contraption I feel “An Board Uisce” would be well advised to perusing very thoroughly indeed.

Yours signed,


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