Jaysus I was havin’ a look at that new “social media limb” there, you know the one where you’re supposed to wear your work history like some sort of proud dress and your achievements and that online, as they say, chaps I went to school with you know? And the greater circle of course, the wider circle as well because Dublin’s a small place and all that and bejayzus these boys and girls have been busy!

Is that right, yeah?

Bloody right it is right man! “Oversaw this” “was in charge of that” “involved in the conception and delivery of..” And so on and so forth ad infinitum, you get the picture right?

Feeling a bit inferior were we?

You betcha I was. What the feck have I done other than bleedin’ scoop fistfuls of the Black Magic into my head and write and draw and snore and smoke and fiddle with instruments and sure what’d I stick down on me Linkedin page then man? “Makes a mean guacamole after a throatful of the Black Soup at 4 o’clock in the morning.” “Can toast a good pitta”. Put that down should I? Specialities? C’mere and I’ll tell thee: “Swearing, impatience, dyspepsia, constipation, morning depression, the Fear after a rake of The Lord’s Loud Porter, hocking up phlegm balls, smelling like a bald tramp, farting, swearing, moaning, whinging, cynicism, misanthropy, apathy and listlessness.” List those, should I?! Give me the job there like a good man!

I’d say a few German companies might give you an interview.

Well, then! I’d better get cracking. Would you take a photo for us and I’ll stick it up on the “page” there, all vain and narcissistic and all – join the pageant as it were, you know the spiel.

I sure do.

Well go on then, man. Snap me on your eye phone there.

Go and have a shave there like a good man and then I will.

Ye bollox!

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