Reading the job listings

Door supervisor 

Pet sitter 

Pet sitter. You sit beside the pet.

Perhaps we’ll discuss Burroughs or Keats or something

Be a pet and sit beside the pet

Don’t cry – petrify 

I got a first in English Literature

An Honours Degree from You See Dee

Family intervened, graduation day no less, Twenty Three

Correction – Mother intervened

But I can’t blame her, she’s a woman, she’s been through enough

Been through what? Depression, a middle class divorce and a freeloading lifestyle on the back’s of other’s money?

She had us at Twenty Three 

She had mental health problems when I was three

Residential addiction treatment centre 

I knew then –  I knew about it inside there

That had been going on all along

I knew I had to be there

I don’t want to be here

I want to be down there

Or up in that tree like the owl or the manically dreaming bat

I’m familiar with the lure of the Devil

The lure of caves and madness and dark beaches

I signed on immediately after Rehab

I began drinking in spite again, immediately after Rehab

I felt suicidal hitherto unfelt before Rehab

Rehab is an ingenious business plan

They still send me bills through the post

The first two

The other one I was sent there on remand from jail

I tried to tear the for sale sign off the family home, my Father is a coward

I became enormously depressed

I remain enormously depressed

And enormously suicidal

I want to decay in a cove of seashells

And have cormorants eat my stinking flesh

And they will asphyxiate on my drowning carcass

The seas will swell over us all, like vultures now!

I’d like be carried across some aqueous gullies 

Wake up in Amazonia, maybe Peru, Chile or Belize

Take viscous doses of psychedelics and fuck in jungles

Feel the blood in my Irish heart freeze

Reborn anew in a diaphanous gauze

Memory, pain and soul has never been, never was

This was all a clever construct, upon you I endow

I’ll go back to reading about absurdly low paying jobs now

 

 

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